exhaustion of light

Loneliness: feeling trapped, and then not doing a single thing to escape. Finding frustration in lack of simplicity, or too much thereof.

In even the littlest of decisions, movement propels full-fledged action.

Sometimes the hard part is finding inspiration for decisions. It’s often easier, albeit exhausting, to be indecisive in nature.

There is something to say about flexibility and going with the flow of any given day. Flexibility allows you to be a much kinder and more peaceful person, it creates space for humility, but also leadership. But often a flexible being allows the lives of others to rule their thoughts and dreams. To ask of themselves, and of their Creator, less than what they require, less than what is available, and less than what they are capable of.

But how long can you sustain this seemingly simple exhaustion? The exhaustion that comes with indecisive frustration requires everything. It drains every last sip of energy, and intrudes on human nature’s desire to deeply understand. This is a dark exhaustion.

I desire an exhaustion of light. When you are asleep before your head even hits the pillow in your still unmade bed, because your day has been full of life-filling work. Perhaps seemingly unimportant work, but actually work that reaches the depth of souls.

And so daily I decide to create a treasury of moments. A collection of soul-lifting seconds that make every lonely and frustrating moment a passing and unimportant event. A discipline of thankfulness that inspires.

“I miss you” texts from far-away friends.

The beauty of sitting outside in the cold, safeguarded from the pouring rain.

A smile from someone who doesn’t often gift smiles.